Evander Kane Arrested For Future Assault He Would Have Inevitably Committed
BUFFALO, NY – Sabres Forward and constant pain in the ass, Evander Kane, was arrested on Friday. Law enforcement officials would not disclose the nature of the arrest but sources say this was merely...
View ArticleArea Man Wants To Know Who The Fuck This Jimmy Vesey Think He Is
CHEEKTOWAGA, NY – Local man Tom Stroman recently announced to anyone that would listen, that he demands know exactly who the fuck this Jimmy Vesey thinks he is. “Who the fuck is this guy? Does he think...
View ArticleAfter Watkins Injury Russ Brandon Has Eichel Placed Into Protective Custody
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Once news came down that the Bills best offensive weapon could be shut down, Bills and Sabres President Russ Brandon sprung into action and immediately removed forward Jack Eichel...
View ArticleEvander Kane Insists He’s Learned His Lesson, Will Only Commit Misdemeanors...
BUFFALO, NY – During the team’s Thursday morning press conference, Sabres pain-in-ass, Evander Kane promises fans that he has learned his lesson and he will only commit Class 1 misdemeanors going...
View ArticleMurray Signs Hasek To Be Sabres Shootout Goalie
BUFFALO, NY – General Manager Tim Murray announced on Thursday the team has signed Hall of Famer Dominik Hasek to be their shootout goalie. “I know he’s older now but Jesus Christ, Lehner can’t stop a...
View ArticleDarcy Regier Can’t Believe How Many Chances Tim Murray Is Getting
Former GM Darcy Regier growing concerned with the number of chances Tim Murray is getting BUFFALO, NY – Former General Manager Darcy Regier recently expressed concern over the number of chances Tim...
View ArticleFoligno And Bogosian Caught In Intense Handsome Stare Down
Marcus Foligno and Zach Bogosian have a staring contest to determine who is the most handsome player on Sabres. BUFFALO, NY – Team dreamboats Marcus Foligno and Zach Bogosian were caught in an intense...
View ArticleFather-Son Dealing With Chilling Reality Of Sabres Never Making Playoffs Again
Local father Dan Evans sits down with son Kevin to explain the likelihood of the Sabres never making the playoffs again CHEEKTOWAGA, NY – Area father Dan Evans recently sat his son Kevin down for an...
View ArticleGirlfriend Promises Valentine’s Day Hand Job As Soon As Marcus Foligno...
Julie promises her boyfriend Chad a handjob once Marcus Foligno is done talking during his pregame interview OTTAWA, ON – After snuggling in to watch the Sabres on Tuesday night, area couple Chad and...
View ArticleMurray Just Wants A Quick Chat With Bylsma Following Road Trip
BUFFALO, NY – Following the Sabres disappointing road trip over the weekend, General Manager Tim Murray was unable to find head coach Dan Bylsma for a little post trip “chat”. “It was kind of weird...
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